Monday, 13 April 2015

I take back what I said...

I take back what I said. 2nd year is HORRID. I think that the first semester lulled me into a false
sense of security, as I didn’t find it as challenging as I had expected. However now that I am well and truly in semester 4, I’m so stressed I’m getting regular nose bleeds!

What I have found with this course is that everything can seem plain sailing, you’re working hard, getting good grades, you think to yourself ‘Wow! This isn’t as hard as they say!’ and then bam, something happens and everything feels a bit out of control.

My Nan passed away a few weeks ago, and it’s been a hard blow. Instead of picking myself up after a nasty night shift, I will find myself in tears, again, on the bus back home. During the final moments of a birth I was facilitating, the parents decided to play a hymn on their phone, which happened to be the single song we sung at my Nan’s funeral. That hurt a lot. You come across such raw emotion every day in midwifery, and if you feel the slightest bit vulnerable it can leave you in pieces.

I remember being so desperate to get into Midwifery that I swore to myself I would never complain about it if I ever got in, so the last thing I want to do is be negative. I am still so thankful to be here and I am determined as ever to reach my full potential. Three essays, two exams and placement to pass- the prospect sounds incredibly daunting, but the fact it will be behind me in 2 months is so comforting!

I guess what I am trying to say is that if I can get to the summer, I am sure I can do it. It’s my final week on labour ward for the year, so I really really REALLY hope that I get more deliveries as I feel like 2nd year has been a bit of a ‘dry spell’ for me.

But- swings and roundabouts, although my deliveries have slowed a bit this year, my clinical skills including vaginal examinations are really improving, and it is those skills that I will carry with me through my career.

So all in all I’m getting there! It’s been such a struggle but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and I’ll be super happy once I’ve finished my research essay tomorrow. One hurdle at a time!

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